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The Roy Keane song - Classic - all please enjoy

Discussion in 'The Beautiful Game' started by funkidaniel2001, Sep 4, 2002.

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  1. funkidaniel2001

    funkidaniel2001 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2001
    Location:
    swindon
    Roy Keane Rhapsody i.e to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody.

    Mama, I just kicked a man.
    There's a screw loose in my head,
    Because I tried to break his leg,

    Fergie, the seasons just begun,
    But now I've gone and thrown it all away!

    Forlan! Ooh -ooh - ooh,
    Makes me want to sigh!
    We'd score more goals with Sid James or Kenneth Williams, Carry On,
    Camping, The whole teams just in tatters. Too late, my crime is done,
    Tried to mangle Alfies spine,
    Now he's aching all the time,

    Goodbye Mick McCarthy, I've got to go, Got to leave the squad behind,
    cos I'm a t**t! Veron! Ooh -ooh - ooh He doesn't seem to try,
    I sometimes wish he'd never been bought at all.

    (guitar solo)
    (Opera Section)
    I see a little packaged sandwich filled with prawns,
    LAURENT BLANC! LAURENT BLANC!
    HE'S JUST SLOW, OLD AND USELESS!
    Brown & Neville fighting, very very frightening indeed!!! WHERE IS RIO?,
    Where is Rio?, WHERE IS RIO?,
    Where is Rio?,
    Because Laurents far too slow! He's far too slow-ow-ow-ow-ow.....
    I'm just a head-case, nobody loves me!
    HE'S JUST A HEADCASE, WALKED OUT ON, HIS COUNTRY!
    SPARE US THE WHINES FROM HIS GAFFER IF YOU PLEASE!
    Here it comes, Open goal - Forlan must score.
    HE WILL NOT!
    No! He's simply got to score!
    HE WILL NOT, NEVER, EVER SCORE!
    No! He's simply got to score!
    HE WILL NOT, NEVER, EVER SCORE!
    NEVER, EVER SCORE, NEVER, EVER SCORE, NEVER, EVER SCORE.........
    NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
    Oh where is Rio? where is Rio ?
    Has he really stubbed his toe ?
    Beelzebub take the Nevilles from my side, Oh Please ?
    Oh Please, Oh Pleeeeeeeaaaase?

    (Guitar riff)

    So you think that I punch refs and spit in their eyes?
    Would I kick Alan Shearer and leave him to die?
    Oh baby, Even though I seem crazy,
    I'm Roy the Red, rich, thick and madder each year.
    (Slow bit)
     


  2. Motterman

    Motterman Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2002
    Location:
    Frederick, MD
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Country:
    United States
    I've come to the conclusion that it's more pitiful that I took the time to even respond to this, than it is pitiful somebody spent any time writing that crap.
     
  3. Preston McMurry

    Preston McMurry New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 1999
    Location:
    Earth
    I think it's freaking hilarious. You try writing something like that Motterman. Funky, did you write that yourself, or get it somewhere else?

    And, just to piss off Motterman some more:

    THE DAY TAB RAMOS SIGNED
    (To the tune of "American Pie")

    A long long time ago
    I can still remember how the Cosmos used to play
    But some billionaire's saw their chance
    Knew they could make us supporters dance
    And maybe we'd be happy for awhile

    Charlie's mustache seemed to quiver
    With every foreigner he delivered
    Bad news on the doorstep
    Lothar wants one more cap

    I can't remember if I sighed
    When I saw Lothar's teenage bride
    But something hurt me deep inside
    The day Tab Ramos signed

    Did you dial the call-in show
    Did you complain on the radio
    And have the DJ tell you where to go
    Do you believe what Subotnick said
    It's not the same crap all over again
    When Vega was too fat and real slow

    We all knew Sunil was in love with him
    But not with Kerry Zavagnin
    The match kicked off to boos
    Man, I dug Sasa's tatoos

    There was a lonely fan in the upper deck
    Hiding his face with a paper sack
    Because he knew he was out of luck
    The day Tab Ramos signed

    He started singin'
    {Refrain}
    Bye, bye Nansha Kalonji
    Drove my Chevy over Leahy
    And Leahy just died
    Them borough boys were dissin' Foudy and Ty
    Singing this will be the day that I die

    For ten year's we'd been on our own
    Til the Metros came to Hoffa's home
    When El Ferry played in New Jersey
    In a kit he borrowed from Pele
    And moves that stunned you & me

    Oh, and while the Kluge was looking down
    Donadoni snuck out of town
    Metros supporters were spurned
    While its players got carpet burns
    Do you recall who was the narc
    When the quartet practiced in the park
    And we drank Guinness in the dark
    The day Tab Ramos signed

    We were singing
    {Refrain}

    What the hell's this silly crap
    Some lawyers call the "Super Draft"
    Sasa's high and rollin' fast
    Oh, Tanque's shot landed in the stands
    The Galaxy ventured a forward pass
    But Palacios put Cobi in a cast

    The halftime restrooms need more ventilation
    No toilet paper's an aggravation
    We all queued up to piss
    And the floor was wet cause some guy missed
    When the players tried to take the field
    The cheerleaders refused to yield
    Who won the Supporter's Shield?
    The day Tab Ramos signed

    We started singing
    {Refrain}

    There were forwards with no pace
    And midfielders with no sense of space
    With no time left to start again
    Lexi be nimble, Lexi be quick
    Meola ate all my sausage sticks
    While Branco took some savage kicks

    And as I watched Diaz-Arce on the tube
    I screamed in rage, "We were screwed!"
    No angel born in hell
    Could break Stillitano's spell
    And as the score reached 0-8
    I saw Satan laughing with delight
    The day Tab Ramos signed

    He was singing
    {Refrain}

    I met an Ultra who hurled abuse
    And I asked him for some allocation news
    He just slurred and stumbled away
    I went down to the Jersey shore
    Where I'd seen footy played before
    But security said the drummers couldn't play

    And in the stands the children screamed
    While supporters cried, and their parents dreamed
    But not a word was spoken
    Young Americans were just tokens
    And the three players I admire most
    Ezra, Roy and Gio's ghost
    They got traded by the dolts
    The day Tab Ramos signed

    And they were singing
    {Refrain}
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    (c) 2000 By Preston McMurry

    Brew City FA
    http://www.execpc.com/~pvmiii/brewcity/brewcity.html

    Distribute freely. Just don't change it or remove my
    credit. This is my ticket to being an internet soccer
    legend and I don't want to miss out! :p
     
  4. Boro_lad

    Boro_lad New Member

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    i thought it was very very funny :D
     


  5. Motterman

    Motterman Member

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    No, I've seen this reprinted in over 10 different places on the web since this morning...
     
  6. Preston McMurry

    Preston McMurry New Member

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    Well, I imagine the bloke who wrote it wouldn't mind getting credit ...
     
  7. funkidaniel2001

    funkidaniel2001 New Member

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    Jun 19, 2001
    Location:
    swindon
    Lets all do the keano!

    No Lads, unfortunately not!

    As motte says its been printed else where. I received it at work from some mates (who are great united fans) they thought it was classic as well and with the way Roy is going at the moment it is quite fitting one thinks! Have you all seen the latest news? ‘The Sun’ newspaper has released another extract from Roy’s book, and in this quote he says ‘that he deliberately stamped on Garth Southgate during the 1995 FA Cup semi final against Crystal Palace because he was in his way?’ The bloke has lost it! Hes on a one way ticket to life long ban from the FA! A great football player who seems to have snapped? or is he just like any other player who has just admitted what goes on when the players are out there? I personally don’t think that every player is as dirty as ‘Roy the Red’, take a look at Gary Lineker? Could you see him stamping on a defender for being in his way?

    Funki :eek:)
     
  8. Preston McMurry

    Preston McMurry New Member

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    I imagine 8-year old Keene probably elbowed gramps when he didn't get what he wanted for Christmas ...
     
  9. Matt Clark

    Matt Clark Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 1999
    Location:
    Liverpool
    Club:
    Liverpool FC
    Before coming down to the breakfast cave every morning, Osama bin Laden would look into his magical mirror and ask, "Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the worst, the baddest of them all?"

    The mirror would reply, "You are Osama". The Lord of Terror would smile a grim smile, give silent thanks to his God and begin his day.

    Not a day went by when he wouldn't ask the mirror, and every day the mirror would confirm his question. Yes, he was in fact, the biggest arsehole of them all.

    One day, however, Osama arrived at the breakfast table with a a quivering rage on his face. His eyes bulged, his fists clenched and unclenched, he paced across the room looking as if he as about to explode!

    One of his eleven wives finally summoned up the courage to ask him, "What's wrong Osama?"

    Osama replied, "Who the FUCK!! is Roy Keane!?!?"
     
  10. Motterman

    Motterman Member

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    Comparing Roy Keane to Osama bin Laden, eh?

    You have no class whatsoever.
     
  11. funkidaniel2001

    funkidaniel2001 New Member

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    :O)
     
  12. Matt Clark

    Matt Clark Member

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    It's a joke, you hapless shitwit.

    Do you get some form of endorphin charge from being a sulky little wannabe Manc tosspot?
     
  13. Motterman

    Motterman Member

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    We're just days from September 11 you nickfreak. If anything it's bad timing of the highest order.
     
  14. funkidaniel2001

    funkidaniel2001 New Member

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    The Manc's and the scoucer’s have started. I love this rivalry!
     
  15. Matt Clark

    Matt Clark Member

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    No they haven't. The Scouser and the wannabe nobodies from the other side of the planet have started. Motterman wouldn't know a Manc if he really did have Gary Neville's dick in his mouth.

    Motty - why don't you go off and take a look at this, then come back to me and give me some more of your moral lectures, you spineless, thick hypocrit.

    This man is your God
     
  16. Motterman

    Motterman Member

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    Yeah, and you mum sells her body for sacks of potatoes.
     
  17. Matt Clark

    Matt Clark Member

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    Does she? Bloody hell.
     
  18. funkidaniel2001

    funkidaniel2001 New Member

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    Oh my god! how can you play that card?
     
  19. Matt Clark

    Matt Clark Member

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    Location:
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    Because he's an abject moron.

    Only an insanely thick person would fail to appreciate that, if anything, that joke is a parody of the vilification of Roy Keane.

    Only someone whose smack wouldn't wake a baby would try and turn this into an issue of disrespect for the aftermath of the World Trade Centre attacks.
     
  20. funkidaniel2001

    funkidaniel2001 New Member

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    Arh thats really sweet ;o)

    You’re a charmer ant ya mate?
     
  21. Motterman

    Motterman Member

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    Ho-ho-ho keep 'em coming.

    If you can't see what a tosspot Clark is, I can't help you. The venom he spouts is truly something to behold, especially when you compare how much he talks about us, rather than his own club. But that's to be expected from pikey cnuts like that...
     
  22. Matt Clark

    Matt Clark Member

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    Liverpool
    Club:
    Liverpool FC
    It's not about "them", you sad little man.

    It's never been about "them". "Them" and I live in happy harmony here in the Northwest of England. I've got one of "them" sat next to me as I type. He thinks you're as much fun sport as I do.

    This is about gimpy little despos with "us" delusions and the very great amusement that is to be had from winding you up.

    Successfully. Constantly.
     
  23. Motterman

    Motterman Member

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    If that doesn't sound like an obsessed little man, I don't know what does....
     
  24. Matt Clark

    Matt Clark Member

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    Liverpool
    Club:
    Liverpool FC
    Obsessed with what? You? ROFL!

    You do make me laugh. I either help myself to some laughs whenever you show up, or you even provide them for me. Comedy gold.
     
  25. funkidaniel2001

    funkidaniel2001 New Member

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    Jun 19, 2001
    Location:
    swindon
    I dont need your help I am in denial! And that is not a river in Egypt!

    Pikey? Matt, do you live in a caravan?
     
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