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US MNT vs. The Book of Mormon, 6/12/2012, 8:00 PM UDT

Discussion in 'Real Salt Lake' started by El-ahrairah, Jun 4, 2012.

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  1. El-ahrairah

    El-ahrairah Member

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    Guatamala. What thoughts are brought to mind when you think of the country of Guatamala? Well, other than ocean and beaches, if you are member of the dominate religion in Utah, the Book of Mormon comes to mind due to the limited geography model. Ergo, the Guatamala team will consist of the following:

    ------------------------------Nephi------------------------
    ---Aaron-----Ammon-----Omner------Himni-------
    ----Shiblon-----Helaman-------Corianton----------
    -----Jared-----Mahonri Moriancumr-----Nimrod----
     
    Coach: Captain Moroni

    In goal, it's the man who started it all, Nephi, who along with his family, left Jerusalem in 600 BC. Since he was able to lead his family to the promised land, across the ocean, being a goalie shouldn't be too hard.

    The defense is anchored by Ammon, Aaron, Omner and Himni, a.k.a, the sons of Mosiah. Opposing strikers better watch out for Ammon, since he can wield a pretty mean sword and has been known to chop off the legs of offending forwards after they score a goal.

    The sons of Alma the younger, Helaman, Shiblon and Corianton shore up the midfield. Guatamal will need to keep an eye on Corianton since he was last seen in the company of a noted prostitute, Isabel, just last week and he tends run off after her and not show up for games. Helaman has his own 2000-man cheering/goon squad section called the "Stripling Warriors" who will take on opposing supporters without hesitation since never loose a fight nor get thrown in jail.

    The strikers are anchored by Jared, Mahonri Moriancumr (a.k.a the Brother of Jared) and Nimrod. The US will need to watch out for Nimrod, who scores more than Charlie Sheen on TV since his nickname is "The Mighty Goal Hunter".

    The coach is Captain Moroni who will be waving the Title of Liberty to motivate his team to victory.

    If I was the US, I would be worried. Everyone on the team is built like a tank. Don't believe me, check out these candid photos of their last practice.
     


  2. I_Believe_In_Kreis

    I_Believe_In_Kreis Member+

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    I heard he learned how from playing behind Marco Materazzi at Inter.
     
  3. keeptheslinrsl

    keeptheslinrsl Member

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    If this team actually exists, I think a lot of us are in trouble....
     
  4. 15 to 32

    15 to 32 Member+

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    this can not be repped enough.
     
    Mr.C repped this.


  5. DrownedElf

    DrownedElf Member+

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    Do they keep all their pre-game notes on golden plates?
     
    15 to 32 repped this.
  6. georg

    georg Member+

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    Yes but somehow they lost them
     
  7. BalanceUT

    BalanceUT BigSoccer Supporter

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    Of course, this gets the obligatory red card. But, because they play for LA in MLS the disciplinary committee has never given out more than one additional match ban, even in the infamous Chivas Decapitation incident. Such is the mysterious ways of the MLS disciplinary committee.
     
  8. SoccerPrime

    SoccerPrime Moderator Staff Member

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    I do believe we have hit a all-time low of thread titles. Really?
    Besides, I thought it took place in Wisconsin or NY nowadays.

    Better name would be "USMNT vs Terrible Broadcasting Contract" or "The Unseen Game".
     
  9. El-ahrairah

    El-ahrairah Member

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    Well, if Mr. Moderator starts the thread before I do, then he can pick the title. And besides, USMNT vs. Limited Geography Model doesn't have the same ring to it.

    /theology mode on/

    And those who talk about Wisconsin or NY are apostates in my holier-than-thou opinion and need to CONFESS!!!!

    /theology mode off/
     
    BalanceUT repped this.
  10. SoccerPrime

    SoccerPrime Moderator Staff Member

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    IS this game going to be broadcasted at all or just PPV or whatever it is?
     
  11. El-ahrairah

    El-ahrairah Member

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    Probably in Guatamala. In spanish. With no subtitles.
     
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  12. SoccerPrime

    SoccerPrime Moderator Staff Member

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    You seem to be in rare form tonight.

    We know its broadcasted in spanish in Guatemala. The real question is, can anyone in the US watch it? I have heard that the usual ridiculous nature of the Guatemala contract is in hyper drive this year. Only very limited CCTV will have this one.
     
  13. n1xhere

    n1xhere Member

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    I had heard PPV would be available - but that was over on the USMNT board so... Last time we had one of these I watched at Fado's here in Austin; it was in Black and White but a good time was still had by all
     
  14. 15 to 32

    15 to 32 Member+

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    hold up, if they are fielding that team, do they even know what electricity (let alone television) even is?
     
  15. TheBiff

    TheBiff Member+

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    Or the modern rules of soccer?
     
  16. Allez RSL

    Allez RSL Member+

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    Not CCTV. It was closed-circuit last time. This time it's PPV. Either way, I'm not going to be able to see it. It's a shame, 'cause I heard Corianton was going to turn things around.
     
  17. I_Believe_In_Kreis

    I_Believe_In_Kreis Member+

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    Nope. It will be broadcast in Reformed Egyptian.
     
    Lizzie Bee, Allez RSL and 15 to 32 repped this.
  18. El-ahrairah

    El-ahrairah Member

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    Wrong. Writing in reformed egyptian, spoken language was hebrew or aramaic or whatever they spoke in Jerusalem in 600 BC.

    As for the rules of soccer, they play by the rules of war. You score a goal against them, they will smite you with their swords!
     
  19. Lizzie Bee

    Lizzie Bee Member+

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    The audio commentary will be broadcast in Hebrew, but the closed captioning will be offered in both Hebrew and Reformed Egyptian.

    Don't count out the option of some substitutes coming off the bench from some secret societies. Their front office refuses to comment on the possibility--for fear of grievous bodily damage.
     
  20. 15 to 32

    15 to 32 Member+

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    there will be a Joseph Smith translation for the rest of us though, right?

    and Guatemala will have to wear white kits or they'll be forced to change their undergarments... which... yeah
     
    TheBiff repped this.
  21. El-ahrairah

    El-ahrairah Member

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    I don't know. Will some of the broadcast be lost and need to be re-translated?
     
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  22. TheBiff

    TheBiff Member+

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    I hear some guy named "Jesucristo" is their fitness trainer.
    They say he's the best when it comes to healing the injured.
     
  23. 15 to 32

    15 to 32 Member+

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    You know, it would actually be kind of funny to commentate a game by saying "and it came to past..." before each sequence.

    "and it came to past that Kyle Beckerman, lost son of Marley, did smash the pendejo Ruiz"
    next verse
    "and it came to past that Ruiz did flop around like a fish for 5 complete minutes"
     
  24. RSL Punk 2

    RSL Punk 2 Member

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    You gotta remember these are the ancestors of the guys who used to play a game of "foot basketball," where they had to score goals by kicking a ball the size of a skills soccer ball through a stone ring twenty feet in the air--or get their heads chopped off after the game. So: not slouches in the footy department.

    And 15, it's "and it came to PASS." Which is how you can tell that the Book of Mormon's really about soccer, as El-ahrairah has so skillfully shown us. Which reminds me:
    /theology nerd mode on/
    Oh, yeah, well that Times and Seasons article was so not written by Joseph Smith! Limited Geography Rules! Snake Mound, Ohio!
    /theology nerd mode off, thankfully/
     
  25. TheBiff

    TheBiff Member+

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    Footage is of Conquistadors vs New World FC friendly from the 16th century.
    Let's hope Klinsmann can get his hands on some animal that resembles that new nike ball.

    Guatemala has a lot on the line in this game.
    If they lose they'll have to sacrifice the entire team which will make the other games much more difficult.
     
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