WWC'11: Teases, taunts, insults, and mayhem

Discussion in 'Women's Rivalry Forum' started by jocasta, Jun 25, 2011.

  1. jocasta

    jocasta Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2003
    Country:
    Sweden
    So a thread for "All Fun and Games" for the World Cup is nice and all— very civilized, very proper. "The Beautiful Side of 2011," as the founding post reminds us. I respectfully suggest that that thread remain a relatively pure place, and a suitable home for tournament-related light entertainments, such as the discussions about the nuances of German football slang, and the missives about beer, Barbie dolls, and foosball tables that we've been getting (and hope to continue to get) from 'the odd crazed correspondent' (to steal a phrase from SheKicks.net) and others in the field as well.

    But what about the Trash Talk? The tournament start is mere hours away now, so let's get crackin'!

    I might start it off by imagining a hypothetical discussion between myself and another poster who we'll call 'strictinthebed' (any resemblance to, or rhyme with, actual BigSoccer posters, either living or zombified, is purely coincidental):

    myself: I believe that Team Germany, hampered by that aging war horse Birgit Prinz and that pretty nincompoop Saskia Bartusiak, will lose their opening game to Canada.

    'strictinthebed': I do not care to hear any insults against Saint Birgitta, Sir, nor should you dare to say anything against her angelic sisters Ari and Natze. Although you are 'spot on', as the young people say, about Bartusiak, damn her librarian-bespectacled eyes, and in any event the opening match is bound to be a clench. Would you be so good as to pass me the absinthe.

    myself: Certainly. But might I observe that it is odd that the opening match, that is, Match 1, comes in the evening after another game has in fact been played. In most parts of the world, the second game comes after the first game. That is, Match 1 would be played before Match 2, if you follow me.

    'strictinthebed': [has no reasonable answer to that one because there is no reasonable answer to that one. really, fifa, is it so hard to count from 1 all the way to 2? this is why we have computers, people...]


  2. kickinthehead

    kickinthehead Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2006
    *ouch, I think I cracked a rip from laughing so hard*

    Those maple syrup suckers will go down to the tune of 1:3.

    As you were.

    Signed, stricterinbed.
  3. White/Blue_since1860

    White/Blue_since1860 Member+

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Bum zua City
    Club:
    TSV 1860 München
    Country:
    Germany
    The most favorite place for blonds to travel to is ... Canada. Why ? There are the Viagra-Falls !!!!

    Who cares about soccer third world countries like Frogland and .. that other one. Stop insulting our great TV networks ARD and ZDF which know how to plan such an event. I mean we pay that damn thing we can do what ever we want. Jocasta, get your head out of your arse :rolleyes: ;) I could point out in about ten pages why and how Canada will got kicked their asses out of Berlin and the WC. But I know anyway...

    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuxghiwjgQc"]We Germans -Football play we better zan you[/ame]

    PS: Sweden sucks. All over. Why do you poor wear the same shirts like Brazil ?
  4. jocasta

    jocasta Member

    Joined:
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    Country:
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    Thanks for the advice but I have no intention of changing my perspective; the view is better from here. And you'll think so too, after watching your homegirls embarrass themselves in their big opener against America's second team, which is made up only of players from that big funny state in the far north. (Their uniforms are only red and white because they're not quite real Americans, so they aren't allowed to have blue as well, they might get above themselves.)

    Germany 1, Canada 2, and Silvia Neid breaks down and cries on camera. You heard it here first.


    "My Oma is German too / Our cows make also moo / Hemorrhoiden have we, ow ow ow..."?? That right there folks is why Germany is the cultural mecca of Europe!


  5. kickinthehead

    kickinthehead Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2006
    Sweden - the country where vampiric girls go to gnaw off frozen hemorrhoids, which are caused by seating on cheap IKEA furniture.
  6. jocasta

    jocasta Member

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    Sweden is most unsuited for vampires; the sun never goes down these days. but you better be careful, the sun's about to come up where you are. Good god, you're up early. Or have you and you fast-living German-fan zombie buddies just not gone to bed yet?

    You can insult our furniture all you like, we're laughing all the way to the bank.
  7. kickinthehead

    kickinthehead Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2006
    I'm watching the Nig:Fra game. France is looking good.

    I have nothing against IKEA furniture. I do believe in sponsoring the work of the mentally handicapped.
  8. jocasta

    jocasta Member

    Joined:
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    Country:
    Sweden
    "France wins!"

    "Boy, there's something you don't hear every day..."
  9. Roland25

    Roland25 Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2007
    Location:
    Germany / Aachen
    I must admit in this thread ( :rolleyes: ) no body stands a chance to beat Jocasta.
  10. White/Blue_since1860

    White/Blue_since1860 Member+

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    Club:
    TSV 1860 München
    Country:
    Germany
    Well jocastrata, who´s crying now ? :rolleyes: After Sinclair gets her deserved MJ-Thriller-rhinoplasty, guess you´ve wet your pants while following the great and mighty gurls on the way to our three-peat. But of course the best win of all times will ever be that one of that Sunday in October 03 around that time you joined in here.

    NIA KÜNZER !!! Hhahahahahahahaha ! :p

    Deut-SCHLAAAAND ! Deut-SCHLAAAND
    Deut-
    SCHLAAAAAND !!!

    When will you admit? FOOTBALL PLAY WE BETTER ZAN YOU ! :D and this is just the beginning....
  11. shlj

    shlj Member+

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    Club:
    FC Nantes
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    France
    I hope England starts Rachel Brown today :p, that would be a goals guaranteed, same with Faye "rudegal/hoof" White
  12. jocasta

    jocasta Member

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    Country:
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    Beat me? This isn't a contest. We're all friends here, this is just conversation among like-minded folks. It's just that some people are WRONG, you know? These poor Germany fans, for instance. You can only feel sorry for them and try to help them see the light and maybe they will mend their wicked ways. It's not easy and it might be painful for everyone but I'm willing to pitch in.

    FOR instance, I can admit that this one hurt a little bit, but that was eight whole years ago. Let's talk about Team Germany now. How much has your girl Giraff-rekes been paying for her "How to completely miss from 2 meters away" goal-fluffing lessons from Anya Mittag? Even at a thousand Euros an hour, it's clearly been worth it!

    Shame they didn't let Birgit Prinz play yesterday, though, I would have liked to have seen how she's gettin' on, poor old thing.

    Yeah, let's hope. These days I think of Brownie as the perfect foil, as 'Ramona Bachmann's straight man' if you will.
  13. Lusankya

    Lusankya Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Germany
    Country:
    Germany
    I'm looking forward to your rants when Sweden lose against Colombia. :p
  14. Micol

    Micol Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Come on, she knew she was offside, all she was doing was playing fair. :rolleyes:
  15. jocasta

    jocasta Member

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    Oct 11, 2003
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    If she wants to play fair, she should stoop down a little, all the time, so that she's not so much taller than everyone. Somehow I don't think she's really interested in that.

    Meanwhile there's Group B. I thought someone said that England was supposed to be really good this year.
  16. shlj

    shlj Member+

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    It's coming home, it's coming home..England going home :p

    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QIAv2EoIP0"]YouTube - ‪Lightning seeds three lions‬‏[/ame]
  17. hagabo_i_exil

    hagabo_i_exil Member

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    Umeå IK
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    Hells to the no. FOOTBALL WE BETTER ZAN YOU PLAY!

    The verb at the END OF THE SENTENCE goes. Right?.
    1 person likes this.
  18. mumf

    mumf Member+

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    English commentator on ESPN today, referring back to Japan's win in the earlier game.

    "Thats all she does for them, Miyama, she just takes their free kicks."
  19. White/Blue_since1860

    White/Blue_since1860 Member+

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    Country:
    Germany
    Nej ! Hjälp! Jag skulle vilja ha toalett. Jag talar ingen svenska.

    Nope. The Verb comes at the END OF THE SENTENCE only in subordinate clauses. German/English literal word by word translation.

    Listen and repeat:

    Main clause: Germany(we) will beat the crap out of Lotta Schelin and the other viking bitches,

    (hey, wasnt that Norway ? No matter. Its all the same up there.)

    Subordinate clause:
    cause we better Football zan you play.

    Got it ? :rolleyes:
  20. Micol

    Micol Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Make that "play zan you" in standard language. No one should think that German was simple!
  21. hagabo_i_exil

    hagabo_i_exil Member

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    Umeå IK
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    Sweden
    I am disappointed viz you people and your language... What happened to the promises in the marketing? Ordnung muss sein, Neue Ordnung Europas, 24h luftkonditionierte porno kino and Schweinebraten und Luftballons für Alle?!?
  22. hagabo_i_exil

    hagabo_i_exil Member

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    Umeå IK
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    Sweden
    ... This just in: In an upset, Sweden did not lose the first group game in a major tournament since... Er... Since the beginning of time, I believe. Of course Sweden only scraped by, but you know, that matters only slightly
  23. White/Blue_since1860

    White/Blue_since1860 Member+

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    Country:
    Germany
    A freaking out super sensational 1-0 win vs the soccer powerhouse world rank no. 31. Nice performance ! At least in the first 10 min. before I fell asleep. Never mind. Now, please kick out the US.

    -----------------------------------------------------

    I will tell you a little story about our Neue Ordnung Europas. Last year I met an American girl at a bar. And we came into talking about the differences between Europe and the US. I`ll never forget what she asked me:

    US Girl: "Oh, why do you have so many different languages in Europe ?
    Me: ... ? What ?
    US Girl: "Yeah that is so funny."
    Me: You wanna know why we have so many different languages ? I will tell you:
    Thats because we Germans lost the war ! Muahahaha :D ;)
  24. jocasta

    jocasta Member

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    Country:
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    But let's fix the sentence so that it has some truth value. Then we need to add back one teensy little word that ALWAYS goes last. That word is NOT. So for the sentence to make any sense in a rational world, it should be "... Germans better football play zan you NOT." Because you don't. So there!

    Nerds! Oh well, Lady Gaga says that's all right, cuz baby we were born this way...
  25. jocasta

    jocasta Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2003
    Country:
    Sweden
    Phew. After all the excitement of the last three days I'm exhausted. Are there games tomorrow? Oh, right. Well, I guess no one around here gives a fig about anyone in Group D, so we can take it easy.

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